My Safe Bag

I have noticed lately that my balance has been a bit wonky. I can’t walk down a flight of stairs without holding onto the rail and I must concentrate on every step I take or else I feel like I will fall.  As I stagger down, I pretend like no one notices me. I hope to saunter like a super-model walking the catwalk, but regrettably, I look like horse trying to a ride bike… wobbly.

Recently I had some frightening scuffles with staircases… they’re out to get me… but I have narrowly missed a catastrophic fall.  I can’t see where the next step is, especially when the flooring is the same color or pattern. It’s kind of like those 3-D hidden images… I just can’t see the dinosaur!

I recognize that the last thing I need is a nasty fall. Broken bones sound terribly inconvenient and there really isn’t a way to look like a badass when you smash your face in. I began searching for a way I could have my hands free in the unlikely event I lose my balance or get attacked by a random zombie. It’s true… it happens.

I was off on a mission for a new handbag. First I thought of a backpack. That would be safe and lots of room to stuff it with crap I really don’t need to carry around. It appears the bigger the bag, the more stuff you carry… you know what I mean ladies. Furthermore, something about a backpack when you’re not hiking the Grand Canyon, or in your 4^th year of med school, feels a little Dora the explore-ish.

But a stylish, cross-body bag I could be hands free, fashionable and most importantly… safe. So that’s what I purchased and on my first day of using my safe bag, everything was going great. I felt stable, loved having the ability to have my hands ready for that zombie. I felt accomplished by finding a solution to my problem.

When I got home from work that day, I reached into one of the many pockets in my safe bag to locate my keys, when I felt a sharp burning sensation on my hand. At first I thought maybe I poked my hand on something sharp, but then the stinging sensation traveled down the back of my hand. I jerked my hand up and probably said a curse word… or words.

I looked at my hand and saw a little brown thorn. I kept staring at my hand trying to figure out what it was, but the pain was getting worse. It’s when I pulled the foreign object out when I noticed my dog Crash acting weird. This is the dog that is scared of flies. No joke, Crash hides under my bed until I search and destroy the devil insect so everything in his universe can be right once again.

I found Crash cautiously sniffing at something on the carpet. It was a bee! Stunned and confused… kind of like how I was feeling. That little butthead of a bee caused my hand to swell and throb all night. I had a hard lesson to learn, that even though you can try to make your life safer when your Parkinson’s disease is causing balance issues, you can’t foresee every challenge. My safe bag turned out to be a pain bag… but it’s still cute.