I got a letter from a friend named Peter titled, “Hooked on Hope – What’s the Point?” At first, it really struck me as outlandish and irrational. How could you not have hope, especially when faced with such a challenging condition like Parkinson’s disease? Trying to keep an open mind and respect other people’s beliefs and viewpoints I have posted the letter below so you may all read it… with Peter’s permission of course… Now, I pose this question to my readers, “Do you believe in hope?
Hooked on Hope – What’s the Point?
Have you ever hoped for something like; winning the lottery; the safe return of a lost family pet; for a child’s miraculous recovery from a dire medical situation; or something as simple as being on time for an appointment?
We remember the few times our plea for super-natural intervention was granted, fortifying the notion that someone, or something is listening, and will act in our favor when called upon. However, we forget the hundreds of times when our prayers, or hopes, are ignored.
I wonder if “hope” is just fool’s gold. I’ve stopped using the term because “hope” has a nasty side effect, the more one depends on hope or prayer, the bigger the disappointment that occurs when the rug is pulled out from under the petitioner. REQUEST DENIED!
Hope finds us soliciting an unknown “celestial authority” being implored to reprogram the future just to accommodate our personal and immediate need for action. We indebt ourselves to that same authority, surrendering a little of our dignity every time we put in for help. We lose control. Hope is bad strategy.
To be sure, there are casual, toss away requests (i.e. I hopethe rain clears up so I can get my golf game in), and then there are the meaningful, sincere requests (i.e. I hopeI survive this delicate brain operation – oh, and by the way, I did, all without hope).
It’s the big sincere requests that present the problem. When people start thinking their requests are actually being reviewed by a higher power, you can bet many of these same people will believe nearly anything, anytime, and that’s when sincere hope for one’s self or others becomes hazardous.
Enter, false prophets and snake oil. Years of relying on hope has directed the needy or dying in the wrong direction. The one being prayed or hoped for misses other real opportunities to battle against an ailment that might be killing them. The might be distracted by hope.
Spend a lifetime courting fantasy, even small ones, and when it’s time to allow yourself or a loved one a dignified death, dying minds can become distracted, complicating matters by grasping at trickery and archaic shenanigans. Not pretty. Not dignified. Not a good strategy.
I know staying “real” about my own demise will make it easier on everybody around me, when my time comes, I won’t be caught begging, and I won’t give up my dignity, in the name of hope.
I don’t pretend to be an expert on dying and the afterlife, so the above is pure speculation. I am open to your thoughts on the matter.
-Peter
This article was written for an audience of one, with whom I have a long history. It was not written specifically for Ms. Parkie, but we mutually decided it had some merit for Allison’s readers.
I anticipate, that is, give higher or lower probability, too outcomes.I may add effort or expertise to the matter to heighten probability of a desired outcome, but I won’t support a matter by infusing it with wishful thinking..
I don’t believe so I can’t hold a belief. Although it could be argued that I believe in nothing. I would argue against that. Now we’d really be splitting hairs.
I do however like to meditate. Meditation clears my head.
Belief and hope are apples and oranges. Belief generally requires a higher authority for support, where hope does not. Hope requires only the desire or intent of the “hopeful”
Anticipation is a better word, because it stands alone, requiring no wishful thinking, no desire or intent. If one has not messed with the outcome, then it can be anticipated correctly..
I tried to answer everyone with a single reply, I anticipate a small but friendly failure.
What a sad life without hope–A very unhelpful letter-Really don’t know why you’d post it.
Frank, it’s just hearing other Parkies views. I agree we need hope, but not everyone agrees. Hope you’re doing well!
I disagree. Abandon hope and live with what comes.
I know you and for the most part you do exactly that. All the wishing and hoping has only disappointed us all.
You’d be wrong about me. I am happy, content, and as far as I can tell, suffer little depression. I don’t hope for anything. I have few outstanding issuer with my life. I can go anytime.
As another commenter said, the author appears to be equating hope with religious beliefs (or stereotypes of them) and prayer.
Hope is much simpler. Do you have anything that you look forward to? That’s hope.
I’m particularly confused by this statement;
“The one being prayed or hoped for misses other real opportunities to battle against an ailment that might be killing them. The might be distracted by hope.”
Hope proactively seeks these opportunities. Without hope, why would you even be looking for those opportunities? People without hope are the ones who miss out.
Again, I think the author is confusing a stereotype of religion with hope.
I respect his opinion, but would encourage the author to reevaluate their definition of hope, and especially how it pertains to dignity, which is another word with different meanings to different people. You do not lose dignity when you ask for help, whether you are asking for help from a higher power in prayer, your inner self in meditation, or your friend or neighbor in person.
Me too 🙂
While there is cake there is hope and there is always always cake!
Chris, that’s an awesome way of thinking! I love cake 🍰
Absolutely agree with your friend’s comments.
I find myself some where in the middle. Having lived only 6 years with Pd. I have given up the hope of there being a cure in my life time. I no longer hope to return to what I once was. I do hope that today will be a good PD day. That if I do my exercises ,and stretches my body will not ache as much. I hope that the piano lessons I am taking are enough to deter the brain rot I sometimes feel.
I do know it was not hope that has got me this far , (Most people can’t tell I have PD unless I tell them). It was almost every day in the gym. It was the love and support from my partner. It was staying at work. No that was not hope …that was me and my team.
To sit there and do nothing but hope God will save you. I’ve seen to much of it, and it makes me sad.
You have to have some hope for what you can control. The rest you just deal with.
Remember IT’S ONLY INCONVENIENT!!!!!!!
In response to this, I would have to ask what exactly is left in life without “Hope”? The entire article seems to attach all hope to God and at the same time deny his existence. At the end I could not decide if this was an article on the lack of hope or on religious beliefs.
I can understand that not everyone shares my belief in a “celestial authority”, “super-natural intervention”, “higher power”, “false prophet”, or whatever descriptive terms are inserted to belittle God without using his proper name. One of the easiest ways to minimize the importance of something or someone is to use a derogatory description. To most people, the word “God” carries with it considerable power and strong feelings, so it would be best for it not to be used in this situation.
I cannot believe that not at least one of his circle of friends and associates did not whisper a little prayer for his survival during the “delicate brain operation”. If I were in that same situation, I would feel that I had no real friends, or at least not one that cares.
I believe in hope but what should we hope for? Today it is my 51st birthday. Almost 13 years with Parkinson’s, unlucky for someone well that would be me. Today I celebrate myself not any crappy health condition. I have achieved things over the last year I did not expect. So when my friends and family come together I hope for a great day for all and it will happen . Hope can be big like a cure or small like a good day. Some hopes will be fulfilled some won’t. Whatever happens I have a good life and like everyone else who knows what cards will be in the next hand. It is better to play than fold. Like you I blog and sometimes my words touch someone else’s life. I know what a beautiful gift that is and you have it in spades. You are truly a Queen of hearts You may think me the joker one card short of a full set. You still hold some aces. To me you sparkle like a diamond so always have hope always stay perky. Sometimes you may need to batter life with a club. Just keep dealing that next hand and maybe the cards of the next hand will suit you.
Jon, thank you!
Jon – How does one access your blog?
All prayers are answered! God answered in three ways, no, not now, and yes.
I think Peter has missed an important benefit of having hope, praying or in my case meditation. Hope, et.al sets ones intention to positive outcomes of whatever is bring “hoped” for. It creates “mindset” and positive mindset is fertile ground for accomplishing whatever the objective. It is not without its power and is certainly is more than “wishful thinking”. Through my meditation (a form of hope) I achieve better outcomes everyday that I wake up and live another day with Parkinson’s.
Randy,
“Creating a mindset”… love that! Thank you for sharing.
Randy and all,
I too find mindful meditation to be a go-to intervention. It centers me on the present rather than the future (fear and catastrophizing) or the past (comparisons and melancholy). I don’t quit think of it in terms of hope (e.g., for cure or improvement) but rather as an expression of acceptance, as at some time of reduced symptoms – that us, the ones triggered by stress).
I would like to connect with you, Randy, on your practice. My email is gmcaulif@idu.edu. Would that be ok? I don’t know of anyone else who uses meditation to deal wit Parkinsons, but I know it is done. It was mentioned at the Victory Summit last month in Philadelphia by David Phinney’s wife (I forget her name) at the closing of the conference. Thanks Allison for everything!
Garrett McAuliffe
Hi Garrett,
Thank you for wanting to connect. Maybe I should clarify my comment about meditation. My meditation practice is not about or for Parkinson’s in of itself. Meditation is one more way to create peace I’m my life. It keeps me centered and calm so tat no matter what the universe sends my way I am starting from a place of peace. Yes, Parkinson’s often sends me more than my fare share of stress. But life in of itself is stressful.
Think of meditation as a way to let life’s inevitable stressors move thru rather than get stuck and keep you from your peace or joy. I use an app on my smart phone by Deepak Chopra call Ananda. Keep in mine that meditation is a “practice” and the benefits of your practice much like yoga, accumulate over time.
Best,
Randy
Randy, where you see a benefit I see a loss. A mindset supported by hope is nothing. Hopeful requests aren’t arbitrated by another entity, the swing vote, who is always at the ready for you. For me at least the mind set is, be real. Don’t infuse belief into anticipation.