Apathy. This word meant nothing to me until I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease; just letters, no significant meaning. When I look up apathy in my thesaurus, I see a list of synonyms, which share similar meaning. A few examples are:
-Unimportance
-Insignificance
-Meaninglessness
-Irrelevance
-Unconcern
-Disinterest
-Lack of sympathy
-Lack of interest
-Lack of motivation
The best description I found was “emotional emptiness”…sounds so lonely. Now you may ask, “what does that mean?” With all the many words used to describe the feeling of apathy, I have found it easiest to call it the “blahs”. You lack the motivation or drive to do things that once you found pleasure in. You become indifferent.
For me, it has been the gym. I used to be a gym rat; almost every day during the week, you could find me at the local 24-hour fitness. But with Parkinson’s disease (PD), the thought of going to the gym made me feel “blah”. Now add my apathy to the impact of COVID-19 and I have a perfect storm of making excuses not to leave my house.
I don’t get the same excitement that I used to and I have become abnormally brilliant at talking myself out of exercising. I will bargain with myself… ok, I will go on a longer walk tomorrow. Because let’s face it, getting up and exercising is much more challenging than sitting on the couch streaming reality shows on Netflix.
Why is this? Well, it’s pretty simple when you look at what is actually happening in the brain when it is impacted by a neurological disease, such as Parkinson’s disease. We all know that PD means that our body is not creating Dopamine or our receptors are not functioning properly to process the production and use of Dopamine. But what is Dopamine? It’s the chemical in our brain that makes us feel good, our pleasure center that motivates us to seek out ways to get that sensation. A few examples of things that cause the release of Dopamine are chocolate, sex and exercise…but don’t do them all at the same time, you might hurt yourself! Woopsie!
So as you can see, without Dopamine, it’s difficult to get excited or feel attached to things that you used to love…like my internal battle with exercising “Blah!” How do I remedy this problem? First I take a look at what I’m feeling apathy towards. Maybe your interests have changed and you just need to shake up your normal routine. For me, when COVID-19 had us sheltering at home, I stepped out and into the sun (with proper sunblock of course) and starting walking my dog Crash multiple times a day.
But what happens when changing up my schedule still doesn’t make me feel like lacing up my sneakers? Then I “fake it till I make it!” I fake that I love being outside amongst the ranks of healthy people getting their fitness on, and then before I know it, I am happy to be there! I made it! Try this next time you are faced with the vulgar word “apathy”. Commit yourself to faking it for 15 minutes… I mean, come on… you can do anything for 15 minutes! Whether it is doing those dishes, or organizing your junk drawer… you might surprise yourself… you just might find your motivation.
I would love to hear if you have struggled with apathy and what tools or techniques you have found helpful.
My neurologist asked me if I felt apathetic. I said ” the truth is, Doc, I don’t know and I don’t care.”
very witty, just like the blogger of this website 🙂
OMG, all this is my mother everyday, she sits all day with iPad in hand, waiting for the next posting on Facebook or a message on messenger!!!!
We offer to take her for a drive in car to beach, ‘ No I might get motion sickness’ is her reply, she always has amazing excuses not to do anything.
She tells folk she walks round our garden twice a day,( maybe she wishes she could) but the only time she goes outside is for a cigarette 5 times a day.
She is very reluctant to do small tasks I ask of her, eg; empty her waste basket in her bedroom( she lives with us, I’m her full time carer) empty her ashtray both she leaves until over flowing, put her dirty dishes in dish washer instead of leaving on side for me!!! & on it goes. Are all these tasks so difficult to do.
She has had PD for 10 years, & is very lucky as she has very little tremors, but she is so stiff & tense through lack of exercise!!!
Any advice greatly appreciated.
It is ver,y, very difficult when a Parky is stiff to perform tasks, do laundry (folding is frustrating) and to accomplish tasks in a reasonable amount of time! The body is naughty…it just won’t obey!!! My neck hurts, my arms hurt and everything else feels like I’m stuck in wet concrete and/or
clay! Ask her what she feels that she could do to help you out! Sometimes we forget that our caretakers need as much TLC as we do! I feel really happy and useful when I do the household jobs that I do! It relieves some of the burden on caregivers and family members! It’s all about compassion, love and caring!
This may sound weird for PD, but sometimes you need to shake your life with something which involves sacrifice and gives you a reward. Do some gardening, go hiking to the top of a (small) mountain, prepare a cake… This is my way against apathy and most of the times it works.
-NO WHINE ZONE-
Coach Crash says up and at em! Be kind to your heart and step away from the TV!
Like your energy and ideas!
ErWow! This describes me perfectly.. after 20 years with PD,I used to be a happy person.nAfter my husband died twoyears ago and I moved to another state to live with family, I was still ok I would write to my friends describing my new new lifestyle usually funny stories,until recently when I noticed a change in my attitude. No more funny storiies did not want to read!! Did not want to excersise . In other words. I had ‘Apathy’. Now I want it gone and be my old self .
Thanks for the excellent article.
Ani,
Isn’t it amazing how easily Parkinson’s weeds its way into your life? You might not even notice it at first, but then one day you wake up and boom! Thank you for sharing your story. 20 years… wow.
Yup, “blah” is rhe best description of apathy. I know its gotta be more complicated than that, Something to do with anticiption regulastion .Frakly and am too danm lazy to invedtigate it.I hoe he blues or the blahs leave soon, for all of us.
Pete, you lazy… please!
Allison, you always bring forth very relevant PD issues. Apathy is like a slow leak from a small hole in a balloon. If one does not do something proactive to fix the leak, it is just a matter of time until we fizzle out. By pushing ourselves through your “Fake it till I make it” mantra, we can all benefit by getting up and out, even if we have to “gut it”. I am finding it takes about twice the effort to get started on things, but once I do I begin to roll without too many squeaks and feel great afterwards. I was on a plane a couple of years ago flying back from Trinidad, Port of Spain. An older lady sitting across the aisle from me noticed my left arm tremor (before PD diagnosis). She initiated a conversation and when I told her I was not sure what the issue was with my tremor, she began offering helpful advice. She said “You know everyone has something to deal with, but we can deal successfully with whatever it is”. It is part of the human experience. Inch by inch life is indeed a cinch
While I am more apathetic with PD, I am also more empathetic with people who are hurting. This has ushered in a whole new spirit of renewal for me. Allison, you never pull a punch, attacking any PD issue with zeal and resolve. We appreciate your genuine goodness and dedication to helping our Community.
Wayne,
Great advice as always. I like the “inch by inch” Thank you for sharing!
WOW, apathy, one of the more difficult challenges of Parkinson’s. If it wont let me do what I want. I do something else. Just do something, anything! If we are going to beat apathy, we have to MOVE. So if apathy keeps you from exercising, go out and water the flowers.
Carol,
I couldn’t have said it better!
Allison, thanks for the reflection on apathy. Since Covid and not going to my regular PT haven, Roguept.com, I have had the blah’s with exercise even though when I do it I feel so much better. Doing online classes from Rogue helps. What’s also helped me is playing golf, which I love to do–the game, being in the beauty of nature, walking up hills.I think finding something I love (and then doing it-very important) helps spark the dopamine receptors. I don’t know if that is actually true scientifically, but it sure does feel like it in my experience. I’ll keep your 15minute-act-as-if in my back pocket. I like having it as a resource! Great to be with people who get the Apathy dilemma. Thanks again.
Sage,
Thank you for sharing what is working for you. Being in nature is very therapeutic.
Newly diagnosed Feb this year! You hit the nail on the head! No medications yet told it’s mild and early but apathy? That’s big!!
Susie,
Wow! Very early apathy. I’m sorry your being challenged by this symptom. It sucks!
I fight Apathy by trying to always have something new and interesting to be excited about. So I have a lot of hobbies and interests. Also I’m a little ADD. Not sure if that’s the PD or a result of me trying to cope with it. The mental aspect of PD is no laughing matter.
Apathy is tough on me. I was a single parent ran a farm and now a duplex and remodeled my house. I have a miniblind I need to reinstall and its been on my list for 6 months. I need motivators
I am 57 and one joke I use is utilize my left side Even I dont know what its gonna do.
We got this.
Laurel
I can related, I procrastinate and find any excuses not to leave the house.Apathy really define the way I feel.
Thanks for sharing.
Roger
Me too roger. How long procrastinating for you. I AM tempted to start a new business but worry about my procrastination and sleepiness. Schedules work best for me.
Hi Allison. You hit this totally right on! Apathy…my nemesis. It’s not sadness, it’s not depression, it’s not the blahs on a rainy day. It a lack of interest, desire, need. It usually lasts for about 3 day, then l come out of it for no reason, just as it starts for no reason. I’ve had PD for 15 years, so I know to just wait it out and the “normal” me, will come back.
Donna,
Those fluctuations must be maddening! Thank you for sharing!
I sometimes hit a wall of uselessness and ennui – wondering why I’m here. It’s a clinical symptom I’ve come to accept. Mysteriously I roll up and out of these valleys when I do some deep breathing. Also – I visualize this mantra. Breathe out fear, Breathe in Faith; Breathe out chaos, Breathe in Peace; Breathe out Anxiety, Breathe in Comfort; Breathe out Apathy, Breathe in brightness.
Also – sometimes i tell myself – if you don’t do it, you’ll just not get there.
Roger,
Sometimes the best thing is allowing yourself to be ok with not getting everything done. I promise you, there will always be something to do tomorrow.
Inhale courage exhale faith Roger
Hi Allison ,
I’m 15 years into this Parkinson’s and have always been socially active until 2-3 years ago when my dyskinesia got out of control. I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything unles I was with close friends or family.
I try to take walks around my neighborhood and sit out by the pool and get some sunshine. So when the COVID-19 hit, I was not bothered. I’m trying to venture out for dinner with my husband and other couples a little more now that restaurants are opening up.
Kathy,
Good to hear from you! Parkinson’s can make us withdraw from the social parts of our lives. Happy to hear that you’re able to expand your reach after COVID-19.
Allison,
I think it’s definitely a new item from the Parkinsons basket. It is a tough one to swallow.
I, like you, loved the gym and still do however it is tough to get going. I just try to remember how good I feel afterwards and use that to motivate me for, as you say, the first 15 minutes.
I’ve also started riding an e-bike. That gets me the exercise and the outdoor benefits in one package. I recall you had an incident with an e-bike. I did also and broke my left shoulder. It’s tough riding a bike after 40 years but I persist and it was worth it
Ernie,
That’s so cool that you got an e-bike. Sorry about the fall. It gets the best of us… the important thing is just like you say, Persistence.