We all have clothing mishaps, like when you wear your t-shirt inside out or miss a button on your sweater, but for Parkies getting dressed can be quiet a challenge. I have created a list of whoopsies that some of you might be able to relate to. This is the danger of getting dressed with Parkinson’s.
Pants
First the pants… they seem innocent enough, but then it’s time to put them on. I always start with an air of confidence. I slip one leg through and then magically balance on the other foot. Lifting my other foot in the air my leg snags on the jeans, then a flash of panic as I hop on one foot, trying to recover. My dog Crash thinks I am playing a new game of some sort and starts jumping on me until we both fall onto the bed. Lesson learned. If you have balance problems due to Parkinson’s, sit down on the side of the bed or chair and get both legs in before pulling your pants up. Nobody needs to be a hero.
Jewelry
If you’re looking for a way to add some flare to your outfit, jewelry is where it’s at. But for Parkies, many of us have fine motors issues that can limit our ability to wrestle with tiny clamps and mini hooks. I have many beautiful pieces of bling that I like to wear, but somedays the accessory which will look perfect with my outfit brings out a different person in me. My face will go flush as I struggle to put a necklace on, I will laugh at myself as sweat begins to form on my brow and surprisingly salty curses come spewing out of my mouth. But I don’t give up. It may take me an hour and I might run late to work, but I got that damn necklace on.
Makeup
I would be lying to say that I don’t wear an ounce of makeup because I already have flawless skin… which is the truth…don’t hate me because I am beautiful. But sometimes a little lip gloss and mascara can go a long way. For Parkies, it becomes a battle of how bad do want to keep your eyesight. If you do, maybe proceed with caution when using an eyeliner pencil to apply color on your eyelids. *Pro-tip… when your super dyskinetic, don’t use an eyelash curler. Let’s just say, one involuntary movement and you’ve removed all of your eyelashes… plural, yes, that’s right… on one eye. Trust me, there’s no concealer that will cover up that mistake.
Zippers
Zip-up pants or dresses can also be a danger waiting in the shadows of your closet. Take for instance the difficulty of just getting the zipper teeth to align properly. Then you will need a strong grip on the slider, just to zip it up. Parkies lack perfect dexterity to perform this task with ease. Then there is the overly confident Parkie who zips her back fat into the zipper while putting on a dress. That wasn’t me… just a friend. She blames Covid-19 for the extra pounds she put on since being in quarantine… but again, not me.
Curling Irons
Hot irons and flammable hair would make any person think twice. But for Parkies, it’s always a gamble. If I’m having a “good day” and want to put some beachy waves in my hair, I still have to be aware of my slowness. If I take too long rolling my hair on the iron, all that I get return is the smell of burnt and crispy straw-like hair. Not a cool look. Furthermore, you have to go around all day while people say, “Why does it smell like a burnt hyena in here?”
Shoes
I’m a shoe girl. What girl isn’t really? But with Parkinson’s shoes can be a huge danger. You want to get something that is easy to slip on, but tough enough to provide support. But most importantly you want something that looks stylish while keeping you safe. I’ve come to terms that my high-heel days are probably over, but that doesn’t mean I am ready to buy walking shoes with Velcro.
Shaving
I can’t speak for the men out there but I imagine that shaving your face is like playing Russian roulette with your life. It’s a good thing that facial hair is in style. As for us lady Parkies, shaving your legs and armpits can be just as dangerous, but unfortunately, I don’t think that fuzzy bear armpits are as appealing… especially when combined with burnt hyena hair.
I can’t wait to hear some of your dangerous dressing experiences… please share!
Thanks for the laugh! As for me? Shaving those pesky nose hairs can be interesting to say the least
Joe,
Whoa! I can’t only imagine!
This cracked me up, keep up the awesome work! 🙂
Allen,
Thank you! Hope you’re doing good!
I am still living with the results of My Worst dressing mishap. I lost my balance, started to fall, grabbed the vertical clothes pole to catch myself, and wore an avalanch of clothing as I torn 3 of 4 tendons + 3 of 4 muscles and dislocated my shoulder. But I didn’t fall down.
Joyce,
Ouch! That will teach you to wear clothes again! Hope you’re feeling good as new after your dramatic dance with the avalanche of clothing.
Painful dislocated shoulder improved after ER doc reset it. Still dealing with nerve damage & numbness in entire hand. Need cervical spine surgery, MRI showed 3 levels of disc impingement. I am thankful it wasn’t a hip!! Those hangers are viscous.
Joyce,
That’s awful. Sounds so painful. Hope you’re feeling better now.
Back fat. Sexy! 😂
John,
As I said, it was a friend of mine… not me.
Ok back fat, whatever you say. {Morgan Freeman voice} “It was at that moment that Allison yearned for the days of Smitty over back fat. What a can of worms she opened.”
Mascara is an eyeopener…or an eye closer! Twitch at just the wrong moment and you end up running that mascara filled brush across your eyeball. You bet your eyes are gonna water and then the mascara will run down your face leaving lovely dark rivers through your blush. Oh well start again. I”m actually contemplating having my eye lashes dyed before I poke out my eye.
Roberta,
Oh, yea! That’s a great idea! Thanks for sharing!
My mother, who lives nextdoor, has a pool and in the summer time I live in it most afternoons. Since I’m eventually going to go to the pool everyday I usually just put a bathing suit on after I get out of my pajamas. My bathing suit collection is equivalent to your shoe collection LoL. I’m usually doing pretty good in the mornings when I’m putting the suit on but afternoons or evenings can be a whole different story. At least once a week I have to go find my husband because I’ve gotten stuck in my bathing suit top and can’t get it off. I’ve learned not to buy the ones with the tummy control in the top.
Underwear by far give me the most trouble. It never fails when I try to put a foot in there’s always one of my toes that doesn’t cooperate and then gets hung up on my underwear. I do the spin out dance which usually ends with me slamming into a wall. My two dachshunds hide when they see me getting dressed, unless it’s a bathing suit.
LJ,
Sounds like the pool is your salvation! I bet it helps your Parkison’s symptoms. Thanks for sharing! 🏊♀️
Alison
You are so clever and funny! Love your blog.
BTW, I like wearing semi permanent dark red lipstick 💄 , but you need a very steady hand to apply it. Some days are waaay better for this activity & some days I wind up looking like Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker. Practice, practice, practice.
Jan,
Ha-Ha! I can only imagine how putting red lipstick on with PD. But you won’t like it get the best of you! Bravo!
Oh how I love my jewelry!
Earrings: Post backs or screwed on backs on my post earrings seem to still be easy for me. Wired closures that must be snapped in place from the back of my ear, don’t work so much. I lose way too many. I think I have the ear wire attached and then they fall out of my ear.
For my favorite necklaces, I went to the jeweler and had them put jewelry magnets where my necklace clasps are. They’re very strong! I only had my most favorites done because it costs around $25.
Bracelets, I wear bangles. I hope this helps someone.
Brenda,
Great suggestions! Thanks for sharing!
Here is a good tip I found. Guys put your belt in the loops before putting them on. I like to stand / lean/ or otherwise prop my tail on the side of the bed to put on pants.
Ken,
Great tip! Thanks for sharing!
I love your blog. Thank you for finding the humor in this disease! I will chime in on the topic of hair. Since getting the DBS surgery, hair is easy. I’m nearly bald! I brush the wig, and pull it on! I can do my hair the night before an event! What a time saver!🤣. And showers take about 90 seconds now. However, wigs can get hit and/or itchy. I was so tempted to rip off the wig during a school staff meeting on Zoom. Would have shocked the heck out of everyone!
Karen,
I say shock ’em! I can only imagine how hot and itchy a wig can get. Ughh!
Every day of the year there’s a shoe sale on somewhere. I don’t see any shoes to match the new slacks you bought yesterday!
The most danger0ous thing i do everyday is put my pants on. First of all, I wear shorts to everything, and they still give me trouble.
LIke you i start with the right foot and it goes in easy enough,then I find myself reaching out for something to hold onto, By the time i am slipping on the left leg, I am simullteouslly falling backwards and usually spin out into rack of clothes. So I pick myself up only to do it again. I’d sit and do it, but that would giver me false hope that I still had some gray matter that worked. OK, so I finally get my pants on -BACKWARDS! Happens once a week now, and the same with tee-shits. Very frustrating.
This is even better. i was taking trash cans down to the street one day.. i got them all there when i saw a young lad walking toward me. He was dressed up in a nice suit and tie. He walked right up to me and introduced himself. He wasn’t selling anything, but he was practing his various pitches. Well this right up my alley, having mentored youngins in business, for decades.. After about 30 minutes of teaching in the cul-d-sac my wife’s business partner puulled up beside us. My wife had called the business partner a minute before to warn him i was evaelizing in the drive with a young student.
Ken got out of the car, and iterupted conversation. He said to the young lad, “son listen to what this man has to say and one day you too will be able to walk around outside with pajama bottoms and a tee shirt on, and still maintain a little dignity. I looked down and saw what I was wearing and turned as red a firetruck. I was oblivious.
Pete,
You didn’t feel a breeze?
Allison, I love your dangers of getting dressed. When I grow up, I want to be a great blogger like you. I’m saving this one .
Keep up the journey. We got this.
Brenda,
Thank you for your kind words. Brightened my day right up!
Umm, I love the smell of burnt hyena in the morning!
Dad,
Ha! Don’t think I’ve heard anyone say that.
We just had hyena yesterday. and it’s right — JP smelled burnt hyena in the morning.
Gross Mom!