I have dreaded the day that I would have to write this blog. But here goes. This time last week I was starting to write a new post and it read,
“Before I get into today’s post, I just wanted to apologize for my absence from my blog. I keep on getting hit by challenges that I did not see coming. It’s like something new every week. From my dog Crash, losing his hearing and then being diagnosed with Pancreatitis and all the sadness that comes with watching your fur baby struggle with his health. Then it was on to my health, facing multiple medical surgeries like a replacement battery for my Deep Brain Stimulators (DBS), a squamous cell carcinoma removal on my face, replacing a drain for a fistula that won’t close. Oh, and did I mention that this was all while fighting through a virus called Bell’s Palsy. Good times. Good times.
The only thing that has been positive is my mom makes me my favorite Molasses cookies and ships them overnight whenever I am going through a trying time. With Crash being sick on/off for months I was afraid of being diagnosed with Munchausen Syndrome. Maybe ASPCA will be knocking on my door, accusing me of keeping my dog ill just to keep the Molasses cookies rolling in. I would simply reply “no comment” as I wipe crumbs off my shirt.”
And then just like that, Crash was gone. I came back to this blog post this week not sure what to do with it and realize it’s a part of sharing my life, the good, the bad, and the messy. Well, here we go. Crash was over 13 years old and every day I had him he knew he was loved. He was my partner in crime and I felt unconditional love. It didn’t matter if I was having a bad day, or my Parkinson’s symptoms were out of control, his presence was constant. I had something I was responsible to care for. Something that depended on me to get up in the morning, and start my day.
With his passing, the house is quiet. It’s like all the energy in the room has drained. I find myself hearing sounds and then saying to myself, “oh, that’s just Crash in the other room” or I see a lump of clean clothes on my bed and think, “there is Crash laying on my clean laundry.” But it’s not him. He’s just gone. He has disappeared. Sometimes the pain of losing him feels like a heavyweight on my chest. But I focus on the positive memories that I have of him and that brings me some comfort.
If you want to know how Crash crashed into my life, you can read it here. Many of my readers know that Crash has posted on my blog before titled “My mommy has Barkinson’s” you can read it here. Then if that wasn’t enough, here is a link to the many posts that detail the ways Crash brightened my life.
I know that many of my readers have lost a pet and can relate to my loss. Feel free to share your experience in the comment section. RIP Crash.
this is the worst loosing our fur babies. I am so so sorry for your loss.
Allison,
Im so very sorry for your loss. I didn’t have the privilege of knowing Crash but, he’s sounds like a
Special guy . I hope his memory brings you comfort ,
.You were blessed to have each other.
Crash was a great friend to you, and we will miss him too. He was a loyal and beautiful companion. Never easy, but after a while all that is left is the love. Allison, you are so special. Even with all the challenging happenings in your life right now your focus is reaching outward toward the people you have helped so much. You make yourself available always with an outstretched hand and open heart and that is what Crash saw and felt every day of his wonderful life. Thank you for your goodness and I pray God’s blessings now and always.
Oh! So sorry for your loss. I’ve lost my dog, too, and it is so very difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time of loss. Take your time and take care of yourself. You are so admired and loved.
Dear sweet Allison,
It just doesn’t seem fair, does it? I’m trying to imagine the pain you are going through. I think of my two Chihuahuas, Paloma and Peanut. They are the joy of my life, and help me get through difficult days.. I can’t imagine how I could live without them. So my heart just breaks for you. I hope that all the love and kindness you show to each of us through your blog and your positive attitude and your transparency… I hope that it will fill the void a little bit that Crash left. We all love you!
I’m so sorry to hear of Crash’s passing!
I’ve thought about you both often, after I moved away and lost Kuma.
Crash left a huge imprint on all those he came in contact with and I was no exception.
I will never forget what a smart, well behaved, special and loving dog he was! Least of all, his human-like eyes and expressions!
Wishing you the very best in all things, during this difficult time. Stay strong Allison!
Hi Ryan,
It’s nice to hear from you. Thank you for the kind words.
Crash was not my friend. He bit me and drew blood. But then he figured out that I was an original part of your Wolf Pack. We got better acquainted on long walks and even had occasional wrestling matches. I’m glad you had a steady friend all those years and you still have Dexter the bird-brain to chat with.
the peace and quiet can be lonely – but the spirit of crash lives on. could you hear that?? Take care of yourself – you keep us all in a positive mood 😉
I am very sorry you have lost your beloved Crash.
I’m so sorry for your loss my friend.
A few years ago I wouldn’t have understood it as much as I do today. I had never had a dog in my life so didn’t understand the, almost surreal, bond shared between a person and their fur children. Then 3 years ago I got my Great Pyrenees Molly; and then a year ago I got my Great Pyrenees/ Saint Bernard Sherlock. They are my world. The days I would rather stay in bed and hide from the world, it’s knowing that they need me that gets me going. They always know when I’m having a hard day and they make sure to give me extra love and follow me everywhere to make sure that I’m safe. Last winter I feel on the ice and was knocked unconscious. Sherlock stayed standing over me to protect me, while Molly ran for help. They never cease to amaze me.
I’m sharing this because, where as a few years ago I would have felt sad for your loss now, having loved, and been loved by, a fur baby my heart is completely shattered for you.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time of loss. I wish I had the words to make it better but I know that grief can’t be rushed. Take your time. Feel your feelings. But also take care of yourself. You give to others so freely, it’s ok to focus on what you need and what we might be able to do for you.
You are so loved.
You perfectly sum up my feelings in your reply. My shorkie pook Sparky has changed my life for the better so much in 6 months. Every time I see something about the trips our furry little friends make over the rainbow, it trips me up hard.
Sparky and I wanted to send you our deepest condolences, sympathy, and understanding at this difficult time when so much is going on. We hope the memories that you and Crash made stay with you as the awesome times you had with your furry little buddy, which can guide you to happier moments.
Take care! Thanks for all you do for Barkinsons!
Dan + Sparky.
So sorry for your loss I know it hurts , keep pushing forward.
There are no smart words to relieve your sorrow. Everyone has been through difficult times, but time gives way to best memories and the love we have given and received. And we always need it. I wish you to find love again over time.
You are my hero and an example for all of us.
Dear our Perky
Now I’m not sure where to begin?!!
Because I’ll start with Crash & Rainbow Bridge. I truly believe my husband and I will be greeted by our 5 fur babies. Your fur baby will be greeting you with hugs and puppy (no matter how old I always call them pupsters.
And now you! What an endurance you have faced since I began to read your blog. Since our son was diagnosed at 33 and will be 40 in 2 weeks, you’ are the wife I wish he had! He’s single (always has been) except for his fur baby “Susan’!” Much like you Susan has been the constant unconditional love for him, as I know Crash was for you. Will all your personal ordeals I can only send love for quick healing and moving forward with the determination that you continue to write about. I so admire you. I will end this epistle by saying “You Got This Girl”
God Bless
Lots of misspelling words of missing words 😩.
…lots of hugs and pupster kisses!…
…Because your blog began about Crash.,..
…always call them pupsters!)….
….read your blogs…
…you are the….
…with all your…
The epistle just got longer!!!
Thank you for sharing your story! I am so sorry about Crash. Sounds like you had a great relationship. And thank you for your honesty and openness about PD. I have PD and DBS also. Hearing other people’s ups and downs with this disease helps you feel not so alone. So, thank you for this blog! You are a great person! Don’t give up! My week sucked too! ❤️❤️❤️
They break our hearts, our pets. Lots of love
http://www.parkytracks.com/thelma-and-louise/
Oh, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for expressing the depth of feeling, as my daughter is suffering in the same way. Her Weimaraner has been her constant, loyal friend through awful traumas and illness, and now has an inoperable tumour which could end her life in seconds. But she stays calm and stays alive, it seems, because she knows my daughter cannot survive without her. It breaks my heart.
Once again, thank you for sharing.
As you can tell from the time of posting, I am a Parkie night owl. I previously slept until 5:30 am but these days 3:30 am is when my day begins. We have a cat and it turns out she is more active at 3 am than 3 pm. Every morning she miraculously finds her way to my side. If I am on the couch, she is laying on the couch too. When I go from the couch to the office she does not follow immediately but without fail in 5 – 10 minutes she is at my feet just close enough so her tail hits me when she wags it. Who knew cats wag their tail. And if you touch her, the purring vibrates in the still morning like a fog horn.
I worry about the day she will leave us and believe getting another pet will be the best way to heal the pain. As a bit of a cliche; “I feel your pain” and hope your sadness is healed by you loving memory of Crash and perhaps by the sound of your new pet.
We had to help our 13 y/o lab Leia over the rainbow bridge this week. She had a great life and we sent her off to join her other dog family. It’s been a crappy year at our farm. Last April one of our dachshunds, Jill, developed a neuro problem that we couldn’t figure out. We tested her for everything but finally accepted that she had idiopathic megaosophagus. We watched her waste away to nothing and it was horrible. She was only 8 and passed away in her sleep on night in July. Then in September Shayla the Chihuahua decided that 14 years was long enough to put up with us and went into kidney failure and had to be helped over the rainbow bridge. After all that in October Jill’s brother, Jack, somehow injured his back and became paralyzed from the neck down. Thankfully he has made a full recovery with a slight sway in his gait on occasion. Acupuncture was his lifesaver. We still have two labs and two other dachshunds. We love our babies and have had enough death and sickness for a long while. Hopefully our Leia and your Crash will meet at a “my human had PD” support group and be instant friends 🙂
My favorite “Mom & Crash” video moment was you dancing around the house when “meds have kicked in!!” (great song too)
I am not a dog owner but I feel every word of this blog because you write with such heart and truth and humor of course. I wish I have all the best words to say to you right now as you grieve. But I want you more than anything to be so proud of the wonderful life that you gave Crash. It’s probably hard to even think about right now but could there be another doggy friend in your future? You have so much love to give. Thank you for sharing this earnest blog. I speak for all your readers when I say we are rooting for you and sharing for the best and health and happiness. Thanks for all your give to this community.
I know that unspeakable heartbreak. I’m so very sorry. Crash is adorable in all these pics. Sending my heart felt love.
I know that unspeakable heartbreak. I’m so very sorry. Crash is adorable in all these pics. Thank you for sharing.
I am so sorry for your loss. We had to make the most difficult decision when our beloved fur baby, Benji, started having horrible seizures. We know your pain. It was the first time in 40 years that we did not have a dog in the house. I had been reading about how pet shelters were overwhelmed with pets being dumped now that people are back to work. I found the most adorable dogs who were going to be put down because nobody wanted them…a one year old maltipoo and a three year old shitzu! We adopted them right away and we knew what a blessing we had been given and , they as well. A puppy would be too much work..I also have PD. Just an encouragement and I will be praying for you!
So sorry for your loss! I can relate. A little white fluffball was part of my life as well (http://karenscritters.blogspot.ca)
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So very sorry for your loss, Allison. I’ve lost pets, too, and it is so difficult. May his memory be a blessing to you.
I’m so sorry that your beautiful Crash, went to heaven 😭. He knew everything you went through and probably is the only other being /animal on this earth that could relate to what you have gone through, because he went through it with you!! My “ Road Dog” Snowball, AKA Beezy, Snowbiz , Snowbizzle my Nizzle , is getting up there in her age , she’s slowing down, at 14!!
I’m in search for that “ perfect antidepressant “ now, that will help me get through that time , because I will be a wreck! Any suggestions anyone??!I’m all ears .!
My heart aches for you ! 😭😭 🤗big hugs my fellow Parkie!
Oh but what I want back that Parkinsons took from me is my expressions / smile . 🙁
It is so tough to lose a great friend ! Be strong ! Crash is wanting us move on ‘
Sorry to hear this sad news. He looks like lovely boy. I lost my baby last year you can’t explain the loss you feel loosing a best friend. He never noticed I had Parkinsons he’d. Wait for me when I was struggling to walk. He’d keep me company in the night when I couldn’t sleep. It’s really hard but I try to think at least we had him and had that special love with him which you don’t really get anywhere else. Sounds like you r having a nightmare too with you health. Hope things get easier soon.
Losing a pet is like a family member passing. There is nothing like a love from a pet. My life partner has Parkinson and we are looking toward his DPS surgery. You would love him because he jokes Constantly and never lets Parkinson get to him. I love your blogs because you always look for the best even though it may be yours worst. Big hugs to you as you deal with the loss of your friend. I hope the next coming weeks will bring nothing but joy I didn’t again how are you going to get your favorite cookies sent to you? Lol
I am so sorry for your loss. Crash was an importanat part of your life, and you must miss him terribly.
Long before my husband got Barkinson’s, we had a dog who was hit by a car when he was about a year old. He broke his pelvis, and never could jump on people after that. Which was a good thing. He lived 14 years until he got a brain tumor. When he started having seizures, we had to let him go. But he was our son’s best friend, and he is still missed.
Take care of yourself in this difficult time.
So sorry for your loss. It is not any different then losing a “human” family member. Sending prayers your way