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I liked to decorate mine with Conversation hearts that were stamped with sayings, such as “Be Mine,” “Kiss Me,” or “Say Yes.” But now, just writing this blog, it has a little bit of a creepy vibe to it. It’s kind of like a 3rd grade “50 Shades of Grey” thing going on… Seriously, who thought of these sugary innuendos for children? Once again, I am digressing….. The night before the holiday, I made memos and labeled the envelope with each classmate’s name. Although I always put more effort into creating a stupendous card for my friends or the boy I had a crush on, I never forgot to give a Valentine to the kid who reeked of pee.
But now that I’m all grown up and Valentine’s Day has arrived, I have come to the realization that my view of the holiday has changed slightly. Being single during this flowered-filled, chocolate-coma greeting card weekend has left me time to reflect. If you are not in a relationship, it feels like everyone is in love, and V-day was created to remind you of what a loser you are and how you are doomed to walk the world alone. Lately, whenever I bump into a friend I haven’t seen for a while, with raised eyebrows, they ask, “So… are you seeing anyone? How’s your love life?” I try not to roll my eyes and spout out my scripted but politically correct response. “I am taking some time to focus on me. My life is too busy right now. I haven’t met anyone who can quote lines to me from “The Notebook” while giving me a foot massage.”
But the truth is, I don’t know why I have reservations about dating. Maybe it is because, after failed relationships, I am jaded, and that bright, shiny, heart-shaped box of Godiva Chocolate reminds me more of hurt than of love. Or maybe it is because I only enjoy having to take care of myself. If I want to eat Fro yo for dinner… I can! If I am too tired to cook… oh, who am I kidding? I don’t cook. But I can order a mean pizza and then eat only the crust because I don’t have anyone to feed. Maybe it is because when I am feeling “off,” I want to just be alone so I can binge-watch “The Walking Dead” on Netflix while eating a 3 lb. of Skittles… taste the rainbow. Furthermore, it is kind of scary to put yourself out there, Parkinson’s and all, knowing that it will push some people away.
But I know that I want to share my life with someone… the good and the bad days. So what do you do when you are ready to dive headfirst into the Parkinson’s dating pool? All I can say is to keep your heart open and remember that your PD will progress, so find someone who can progress with you. Read up on my tips for dating with Parkinson’s, and don’t forget to get to Target early for discounted candy the day after Valentine’s Day.
I completely understand the weirdness and reluctance to jump into the dating pool. When I was diagnosed with PD in 2015, I realized that I was not a prime package: single mom, two children, in my 40s, with PD. Run away! And I tend to think, when I either use a dating app or when well-meaning friends tell me that they know “the perfect guy” for me: What’s WRONG with him? He’s never been married? Never mind the fact that I’ve never been married either. There’s certainly nothing wrong with ME! But I’m also not lonely, and only occasionally do I think that I may have missed out on something (like when I smell really expensive men’s fragrance, and because PD messes with my sense of smell, it rarely happens). I have a full life, I’m busy, I have great friends who love me, and long-term care insurance. So although recently my mobility has been affected, I still have adventures and lots of fun times.
Nice blog. I was thinking of you on the day, hence the Facetime call with no particular reason. I can always get you to laugh a little. It’s a gift.
Hi Allison. If I lived in southern CA I would like to take you out to dinner and to follow up with your favorite fro-yo. As my valentine I would buy you a dozen roses and a big box of chocolates (and some dog treats for Crash along with a new chew toy. This is the least I could do to thank you for being such an inspiration and a a great person and a friend.
Since I live 3500 miles away in New York and I cannot drive any more due to my PD, I will only be able to wish you a happy Valentine’s Day over the internet.
Awwww, Chris, that is so sweet of you. Unfortunately, my Valentine’s day was preparing for another surgery. Hope yours was spectacular!
You never fail to give me a chuckle or put a smile on my face Allison. After my first wife passed away when I was 50, I said I would never get involved again resolving to live my life alone. I got involved with a group trying to fight the government to get access to a new medical procedure, which actually was only new to helping people with MS and PD, and after being involved with the group for a year or so I started dating a wonderful person who eventually broke my heart and again I was back to my original resolution of staying alone, piss on it all!! But because of some minor strokes that I had after the breakup, I was resolved to having a caregiver with me when I traveled. I took a lady that I had been friends with for many years and who I always talked to to help me through things like that and we started dating after we got back from that trip. Now at 58, I have been married for just over a year to a wonderful friend that I love.
NEVER give up, that special someone is out there somewhere and may be closer than you think!
Keep going Perky Parkie!!! HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!
What a great story Tim! Thank you for sharing it. Happy Valentine’s Day to you too!
Bravo, Tim! You are helping others to heal with placing your story out there!
Sam Fairchild, Caregiver to my wife, Mary Diagnosed PD 2014
I am so grateful for my hubby. We don’t have the need to celebrate Valentine’s, because every night, we appreciate each other. So, it’s all about true friendship, not lust. Find someone you enjoy being with – it may even be your pet. Crash loves the attention, i’m sure. Thank you Tim, for reminding us that it all starts with friendship
Six months ago I met someone who was also picking up p.d. meds at the pharmacy. Last month completely out of the blue I got a text inviting me to brunch before a local p.d. support group meeting that I never go to. And “By the way I have a friend who will be there also”. I didn’t really know the person inviting me let alone the friend and had no interest in going to a boring support group. But what else was I doing? nothing, again. Well it wasn’t exactly love at first sight but it I’m sure it wasn’t more than 15 minutes.
Ms. Perky the take away is never pass up any opertunity to meet new people and never give up hope that that special person is right around the next corner. I’ll be 62 next month and feel like I’m 16. Well that’s my valentine’s day story.I thought would never happen to me.
What a great story! I hear you find love when you stop looking for it. Sounds like you hit the jackpot. Congratulations to finding someone special. Have a great Valentine’s Day. Thanks for sharing.
have you thought about trying to date someone with pd? he would certainly
understand pd and all the stuff we deal with.
I’m open to you it. We’ll see where my life goes.
You are beautiful and you inspire many of us with pd, and your posts make me laugh! Happy valentine’s day to you and your sweet dog!
Thank you. And I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day too!
Maybe get involved in a sport to meet interesting characters… like that horse-back polo they play in Mongolia with a dead goat? Now there is an interesting conversation starter! Maybe volunteer in a canine rescue group. That wouldn’t work… you would soon have 16 dogs in your apartment. Guess you could join a young professionals group. Just watch out for those engineers. Keep reaching out, you’re lots of fun!
Hello, just found this site and nearly peed myself with the picture… I have a similar sense of humor as you. Don’t give up on finding the one they are out there somewhere. I know, platitudes but I’m serious. Maybe open a PD dating site… Cha-ching. In all seriousness being alone with this sucks, I’m married so don’t get any ideas. I’m 42 never thought I’d be here, now, with this. I am thinking more young people are getting this than ever before which is troubling. So, I bet there’s a bigger dating pool than you think. I’d also say not to discount healthy people I can’t believe my wife is still with me. Love I guess. Love the site and thank you for the smile’s and honesty.
Ha! Happy to hear my blog made you laugh. I’m working on a blog for this week when I very much realized how important it is to have somebody to help take care of you and be your partner. My A-ha moment! I have had a few comments about dating websites… It’s definitely something to think about. Make sure you subscribe to my blog, so you don’t miss it.
Dating someone with Parkinson’s? of course not! Everyone with PD is so old….. Ive never seen a list of PD stereotypes and myths but this could be near the top.